Searching for that stupid Manu lookalike picture
Wound up with a virus scan alert, some website tried to screw me. Now, my stupid virus scan program tells me that it tried to clean the file and "Move failed (clean failed" and there's NOTHING else I can do. It won't tell me how to fix it. Nothing on what I should do next. Nothing on restarting, how to find the file. Nothing. Am I to just sit here and assume my three-month-old laptop is screwed? I have no idea. It's still working fine as I type this. So we'll see.
I never cease to be amazed at how idiotic computer geeks are. Tell us how to fix the goddamn problem, please.
The garage attendant in Ferris Bueller's Day Off has got to be Manu's...well, hell, it just has to be Manu. He just must be twenty years older than we thought.
The link above is the only thing I can find on the net to show you, and it's a current pic rather than one from the movie, which was made in 1986. Just treat this picture as what Manu will look like in another twenty years, I suppose.
Especially since the Shreveport, Louisiana, event is intended to curb violence. Yet five people were shot, with one dying. You'd
think that they'd have the foresight to use metal detectors at the event. Ugh.
Wow, it's been a great day for altered-mind transportation funnies.
I would say playing real life Vice City is a lot easier in a Zamboni than it is with an elecric grocery store cart.
Some dude playing real life Vice City at the grocery store. As always, good times had by all up in beautiful ND.
Well, of Indian descent, but Canadian by upbringing. We went to his show last night, and damn is he funny. The first opening act, Chris Spencer, was fantastic too. He hosts Chocolate Sundaes at the Laugh Factory (that means black people doing comedy on Sundays, quite witty really).
Other huge positive for the night: there were about a hundred really hot Indian girls there. Oh hosanna, they do exist! Me neck got whiplash. Good times.
All's I'm doing is linking.
Since I'm on the topic of Onion editorials, I figure I'd link to a website which reprints one of the greatest Onion editorials of all time, "Fuck Everything, we're doing five blades." (Hell it might be two whole days since Jamie last remembered to read it.) Best line:
Stop. I just had a stroke of genius. Are you ready? Open your mouth, baby birds, cause Mama's about to drop you one sweet, fat nightcrawler. Here she comes: Put another aloe strip on that fucker, too. That's right. Five blades, two strips, and make the second one lather.
The Onion has an issue dated in 2056. Link above is to my favorite piece on the issue, titled "We need a fourth law of robotics: stop fingering my wife."
Good God, this is funny.
Concept of Wedding Registries
This is a topic on the mind because a friend is about to get married. The Wedding Registry is clearly one of the greatest inventions ever, since you can dictate what you get. However, why the hell hasn't Best Buy introduced wedding registries yet? The woman gets all the silverware and china and cuisinarts and $500 napkins and shit, why the hell can't the guy put in for his
Harmon Kardon AVR 435 7-channel receiver? Hmmm?? Just allow individual people to make a $50 contribution towards it, it's not like 3 years from now they're going to remember who got them the f(*%cking toaster, so individualism in wedding gift-giving is totally out the window.
Well, except for thinking outside the box and going in together on a most excellent bar for Matt and G. They'll remember that 20 years from now. Gesina perhaps not so fondly. But we are all thankful she still loves us.
I'm just stunned that one of the options in the poll answer isn't: "Not until baseball legalizes steroids."
Accordion-style post-it notes suck
You try to pick it up because it's sitting next to the window and it's windy out, and instead the whole damn thing unravels b/c you only grabbed the top. What a retarded concept. No wonder MMM is down 15% over the past year.
Check out this first paragraph:
Children should get an hour of exercise over the course of each day, a panel of national obesity experts has concluded, seeking to end confusion on the matter.
Ok: WHO THE HELL IS CONFUSED ABOUT THIS? Get the kids off their fat asses, take the Playstation controllers out of their hands, put them on a basketball court, and quit feeding them Krispy Kremes.
Link is to the 400 nominees, in no particular order, since they aren't posting the final top 100 till later tonight it seems.
Will Smith makes it on the nominees list, at #229, with this stupid Men In Black quote:
You know the difference between you and me? I make this look good.
Ok, I remember that line and all, but how everlasting was that? And meanwhile we get nothing from Napoleon Dynamite or Dumb & Dumber or Lebowski? Even a quote from Friday made it ("Damn!", #133).
Couldn't they have picked a better quote from My Cousin Vinny (#241)? How about the "Utes"?
What about Rain Man (#290)? I think "Kmart sucks" is the line to take from that one.
Thank God the "Money" and "Vegas, baby" quotes from Swingers made it (#342-3).
Only one line from Top Gun (#364), and it's the "need for speed" one.
I was beginning to think Wayne's World wasn't going to make it. Thankfully, I was wrong (#379,380).
The Marx brothers have some funny lines scattered throughout here though.
(Warning: Dork alert!) Whenever I'm working out and I imagine myself receiving the ESPY for Athlete of the Year, in my speech I always conclude by making the most of my 15 minutes of fame by making a plea on national television for the Smashing Pumpkins to get back together. Lo and behold, it has begun!
Kudos to the University of Texas
I'm pissed that they beat Tulane in the CWS (not over yet for the Wave though), but in the interest of good scenery in the stands, it was good to see UT win, since it seems like every hottie from Austin, TX, made the trip. Seriously, watch them the next time they're on.
That said, the UT female faithful still don't hold a candle to
Death Valley on a Saturday.
PS - I'm going to two games in BR this year - Florida and Appalachian State. Anyone who thinks they'll be interested, lemme know. The Florida game will probably be the best game in the country that weekend (and that unfortunately means CBS will pick it up and move kickoff to the 2:30pm slot).
Am I going to hell?
Because one of my favorite South Park episodes of all time is the one in which Cartman fakes being retarded so he can win the Special Olympics. So he does the whole helmet and armpads thing.
And now, one of my favorite Family Guy episodes of all time is the new one from this Sunday, in which Peter takes an IQ test and is officially declared mentally retarded. And of course, he does the whole helmet and armpads thing. That particular episode had a number of other funnies though. The Hiroshima 1945 sequence was particularly fantastic. I had to pause the tivo for a good three minutes to laugh my ass off before rewinding and doing it again.
Oh my...pardon me while I go change my underpants.
44 valedictorians and only one of them is black, although blacks make up 22% of the student body. The parent-teacher-student president thinks this is one of their dilemmas at Garfield. I have no doubt that among the other dilemmas they face is the underrepresentation of Asians on the football team.
Matt's got the link.
I emailed Dinesh D'Souza the link to the
debate I was having with a bunch of liberals on the Sepia Mutiny board, and he responded to me. Good times!
No I did not feel the earthquake, or the one last Saturday
I was on the golf course Saturday when the one near Palm Springs hit, don't know why I didn't feel it. I think I was in the car today when the one closer to here hit, so that's that.
4 years in Claremont and I was out of town for all three earthquakes (minor as they were) which occurred. I gets the feeling I'm setting myself up to be sitting here for the 8.0 one of these days.
This Sepia Mutiny site is fabulous. I'm having fun there.
Having to apologize to "Chinatown." Good times, good times.
That said, Mike Nolan is a stud coach. I'm pissed that the Aints are meandering along with Haslett when guys like Nolan were out there ready to get hired.
God damn, we suck.
If you think my running over into Saints diatribes on mostly unrelated blog posts is abnormal, just wait till football season. Have you looked at the
Saints schedule? Absurd. Most of you know how the NFL schedule is set - 6 games vs division opponents, 4 games vs one entire NFC division, 4 games against one entire AFC division. This leaves two conference divisions which aren't on the schedule yet, so they add games against the team in each of those divisions which finished in the same spot in the standings as your team the prior year.
SO, from the NFC Central, we get the Bears and Lions at home and the Vikes and Packers on the road. Exactly the opposite of what I'd want. From the AFC East, we get the Pats and Jets on the road, and the Dolphins and Bills at home, exactly the opposite of what I'd want. For the other conference games, we get the Giants at home and the Rams on the road, exactly the opposite of what I'd want. We open the season on the road at Carolina, the best-playing team in the NFC at the end of last year (despite the inexplicable loss to my Aints to finish the season), and we end the season on the road at Tampa Bay, never an easy game despite the Saints' success there over the past couple years.
Seriously, LSU had better live up to the hype this year. I'm still in the 5-year grace period of no complaints after a national title, but living in L.A. now I'm kinda getting sick of USC even though I haven't heard a word about them since I've been here. Just seen a few sweatshirts. It's just the aura and shit. Sets it off, you know?
Well, you keep buying tickets until you win again!
Check it out. One is from the Burgh, and one likes country music. Both like some spot in Shadyside, and since you went to Shadyside Academy, you can use that as a starting point.
Did I mention one of them likes country music??
Dude, your parents have every connection in Pittsburgh. Hook it up.
Apparently, Bobby Bowden's got the Son of God under center this year.
Family Guy
Anyone else think that the little "asides" in FG are going too long now? Like Peter singing Rock Lobster to Cleveland?
That said, drunken Brian hitting on Meg, Stewie outing Annika Sorenstam, and Quagmire achieving nothing when throwing the banana at Cleveland, well those were just classic.
Shirt seen at the gym
(In Maryland Red)
"F*ck Duke" on the front.
"And Bin Laden too" on the back.
Class acts, those Terps fans.
Some smart dudes have integrated a cheap gas database with google maps, so you can actually pinpoint the closest cheap gas to you. Have at it. Good times.
Jay: I don't care if she's my cousin or not, I'm gonna knock those boots again tonight.
Listen to this frog talk. What a load of shit. We are becoming a generation of pansies.
Ok, I'm not an US Weekly type of guy, but I only mention this article because of the last sentence, in which Redford's spokesman responds to Rivers' comments by saying "I"m not going to dignify that with a comment."
Now, if I were famous enough to have a spokesman, it would probably be
Matt, and I'd pay him handsomely to actually respond to this type of shit with things like "Joan Rivers is a dirty whore." Mainly because he's the only person I know with the balls to do it. And he'd do it far more eloquently. But he'd still get across the point that she's a dirty whore. And he might actually use the phrase "dirty whore," which would be just dandy.
Seriously, why maintain any semblance of professionalism in Hollywood? I don't get it.
Thanks to Alfonso for tuning me in to this guy. Absolutely hilarious. Watch the DVD if you can get your hands on it.
Edit: The DVD I saw was "Live 2003." Don't watch the sample clips at work with the volume up.
Yet another fantastic amphibious vehicle gets intercepted in between Havana and Florida. This time it's a converted '49 Mercury with a taxi sign on the roof. The flatbed these guys tried to get over in two years ago was equally brilliant. (Don't have a link to the flatbed pic, but I have it on this computer if you want me to email it to you, because you KNOW I saved that shit two years ago.)
I with the United States would just say "These guys are industrious, they'll be infinitely grateful to this country if we let them in, they will serve us well for the rest of their lives because they are keenly aware of what their alternative was. They're EXACTLY the kind of people we want in our workforce. Let them stay."
An LSU Steak brander. Oh please, Santa, pretty please!
Diet drink update
Diet 7UP is now flavored with Splenda, and you know what? It tastes better.
I use four packets of Splenda in my medium coffee every morning, and on occasions when I have to use Equal or Sweet 'N Low, I cringe. Why? Splenda just tastes better.
Score yet again for those Johnson 'N Johnson folks. And if I get cancer way on down the line, I'm sure they'll have some insanely overpriced drug for me that I hopefully won't have to worry about paying for anyway because our healthcare system allows me to get away with a $10 copay and $250 deductible, and use it more or less as much as I want.
Reality show idea
I was listening to Lil' Kim last night, just confirming my thoughts that she is in fact the
raunchiest woman alive (seriously, pick a song and read the lyrics yourself - I would suggest
Queen Bitch,
Fuck You,
Drugs,
How Many Licks, or
Suck My Dick), and wondered: how much would the world pay to watch a "My Fair Lady"-esque reality show in which Lil' Kim is Eliza Doolittle? Good God, I think that would bank
millions.
Tradesports would be all over that shit.
Dwarves fight bulls in Mexico.
Aside: The headline says "Dwarfs." I've always thought the plural of dwarf is dwarves. However, when referring to a human dwarf (as opposed to Snow White's Dwarves), are we supposed to change it to dwarfs?
Now I'm having that weird sensation in my head where I look at a word and almost can't recognize it. Happens to me occasionally. Ever happen to you? Happening to me right now with the word "dwarves." That's just a weird word, if you think about it.
That's a play on Dear Fearless Leader, Kim Jong-Il (he's the "Il"-est!).
Some of these hacks are useless in my opinion. Others, like 30-second skip and navigation shortcuts, are useful if they actually work on my system, which is a DirecTV Tivo rather than cable. So I worry a bit. I definitely don't get the TivoToGo stuff or whatever allows you to set it to record when you're in a remote location. Not remote like Timbukfuckingtu, but remote like away from your house but still having internet access.
Up until now, I was not aware of what he looks like.
I have now officially reconsidered my decision to name one of my offspring Chauncey. On the plus side, this likely removes one obstacle to my finding a woman who'll actually marry me.
Well, unless I marry a black woman, which has been a potential plan all along what with my aspirations of having the first kid of Indian descent to play in the NFL. Wait, anyone know if
Sanjay Beach was of Indian descent?
(Edit: Just learned from Chirag that there's some linebacker the Rams just drafted who is half-Indian. This now means I must have the first kid of 100% Indian descent to play in the NFL. That's just dandy. Athletic Indian chicks, please apply.)
That goddamn Southwest Airlines commercial
DING! YOU ARE NOW FREE TO SHUT THE @#$@#$!@# UP.
Cooking Halibut
Anyone got any bright ideas? I got adventurous at Costco this weekend and decided to buy some Halibut. I then went to Ralph's to get my spices (because who in the sam hell needs the mega jumbo 48 oz bottle of fucking paprika?), so I got to the spice aisle and called mommy. I proceeded to purchase thyme, basil leaves, oregano, red pepper for pizzas, and something else. I also bought some Zatarain's Gumbo File because it was right there next to all of that, and what kind of self-respecting Louisianan doesn't have a bottle of Gumbo File in his cabinet?
Booyakasha.
So I tried Food Network.com to find recipes for halibut, and clicked on "EASY." Well, easy might mean "15 minutes" but it also means 12 ingredients that I don't fucking have. Shit like "shallots" and "capers." Now, I love capers as much as anyone, but I don't have the damn things. Can't I make something with that shit I bought? I also have sour cream, some different types of cheese (ok, not that different - there's shredded cheddar, couple slices of swiss, and some fat free american), and PAM? Oh and I have some salsa, dole pineapple fruit cups, more salsa, and LOTS of fucking kidney and garbanzo beans. And tuna.
Also, can I pour diet coke on that shit instead of white wine? If not, can I pour any of these on it instead: Crown Royal, Malibu, Captain Morgan's Spiced, Absolut Mandarin, or SoCo? How about some kind of UV Red Cherry Vodka? Not sure which of Chirag's friends brought that one over, but fuck him if it doesn't go with halibut.
Ok, someone help me. Thanks.
In the AL, it'd be Chicago, Baltimore, Texas, and Minnesota.
In the NL, it'd be St. Louis, Washington, San Diego, and the Cubs (going by winning percentage here, since Atlanta has one more win but one more loss as well).
No Yankees? Baltimore and the Nationals both in? Potential Cards-Cubs NLCS? Now THAT would be a fun postseason...and I'd even get a flyer on the Rangers potentially accomplishing something for the first time EVER.
So Louisiana and maybe Texas are sinking at about 5 feet per century. As long as the Gulf doesn't swallow Tiger Stadium though, I'm cool with it.
Good times had by all in the metro Monroe, LA area. Knee-kicking to the groin is not standard OP down there, though.
I just saw a commercial for this product called "Aspercreme." The slogan is "You bet your sweet ASPERCREME!"
Awesome.
I had to climb up to the top of the water tower to defend Bobby Jindal's honor. These type of liberals really piss me off - the type who think all of us who voted for Republicans are silly ignorant fools or, as this moron claims, trying to be "fashionable." HAH! Since when has it ever been fashionable for a 25 year old to be voting with the GOP?
"New 'Chappelle' DVD a Hit, Bitch!"
