Victory Is Mine

Newest Tucker Max story

This dude never fails to entertain:

Tucker “What is a Tonk?”
Agent Jones “Oh--that’s what Border Patrol calls illegal immigrants who have made it into the US. They can’t call them ‘wetbacks’ or ‘spicks’ because obviously those are racially charged names, and ‘Mexican’ isn’t accurate since a lot of illegals are not from Mexico, so they say ‘Tonk.’ They call them that because it’s the sound made when you hit them on the head with a Mag-Lite.”
Tucker “HOE-LEE-SHIT.”

More? Tucker ventures to a Harry Potter release party at midnight in Nantucket, and is approached by an 8-year old girl.

Kid “Over there talking to the man dressed as Snape. Are you excited about the book?”
Tucker “Beyond ecstatic. I can barely keep myself contained.”
Kid “I can’t wait to find out what happens! They say someone dies, I wonder who it’ll be.”
Tucker “Didn’t you hear? It’s Ron that dies in this one.”

She gets a look of complete horror on her face and her eyes start welling up with tears.

“NO NO NO—I’m just kidding. Totally kidding, please don’t cry, Ron doesn’t die, I’m just kidding,” she stops her tears and her face goes back to normal, “It’s actually Hermione that dies.”

She turn and runs off. Oh well, she has to learn at some point that guys are assholes.

posted by Publius @ 9:59 PM