Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Ode to the U-Haul hitch

One thing I haven't bitched about in awhile is Asian women drivers. I'm afraid that trend isn't going to stop now, but fear not, I'm sure I'll have something to say eventually. Meanwhile, onto the U-Haul hitch.

When packing up and moving down to Seattle, I bought a trailer ball hitch from U-Haul so I could connect the trailer which would house my mattress and TV, and other sundry items like clothes and shit which weren't nearly as important as mattress and TV. After I moved down and returned the trailer, I never got around to removing the actual ball hitch from the back of my truck. This is important, because I've gotten very accustomed to my truck's dimensions, and I make a habit of backing into parking spots. The hitch adds an extra 6 or 7 inches to the span of my truck so I get worried I'll back into a car eventually. Anyway, I've been lazy and haven't removed it. Lo and behold, last week in the parking lot at 24 hour fitness, stupid ugly fat Latina woman rams into my truck as I'm waiting for the line at the exit. I get out to inspect, and she has the nerve to tell me that she only hit me really lightly on the bumper - as if I didn't feel her dumpass minivan shove my truck THREE FEET FORWARD because she was probably busy digging under her seat for a stray french fry. Dumb bitch. Anyway, I notice there's no damage (thanks to U-HAUL HITCH!) so I just look at her and politely tell her to watch the damn road, and drive off.

Then a couple days later, coming back from work, I stop to let a pedestrian go through the crosswalk and get rather lightly rear ended in Manhattan Beach by a guy in a drive-by-shooting sort of van. It's a relatively busy two-lane road, so I don't want to clog it up by stopping to inspect right there. I pull through the intersection and pull over to go out and take a look. The asshole behind me just turns into the intersection and floors it up the hill, never to be seen again. Thankfully, no damage (thanks to U-HAUL HITCH!) so I can't complain. I just ask Shiva to make sure drive off fool burns in Hindu hell if all of us Hindus be wrong about the afterlife and shit.

God bless you, U-Haul hitch.


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